All our memories, beliefs and life experiences are held in our subconscious mind. As we go throughout our day, many of the decisions we make are driven by the information we have stored.
You’re ten years old and it’s Christmas time and one of your gifts is a gorgeous t-shirt and shorts. You put them on and you love them. They’re a little tight but you’re excited, you race out into the lounge to show your family and your Aunty says… “you’re getting a little porky” while she pokes at your belly. You feel ashamed and hide your feelings from your family. These thoughts and feelings are planted into your subconscious mind and from that day on, it doesn’t matter how much weight you lose or put on, you view yourself as porky and never feel good enough.
Or maybe your father was meant to pick you up from the bus stop, but he was held up at work and you were left waiting on your own. You felt scared and lost and these memories were stored in your subconscious and as an adult you feel alone and like everyone is going to leave you.
All of these memories and beliefs are provoked when the mind thinks you’re moving outside your comfort zone or when you’re in a similar situation as when the memory was formed. In these instances, the mind believes it needs to keep you safe and goes into overdrive.
There are so many examples of how the mind is trying to protect you, however in the process, it’s actually stopping you from doing great things.
Not wanting to be humiliated like you were as a child, can stop you from speaking your truth or pursuing your dream of being a public speaker.
Being told your porky as a child can stop you from standing out and following your desire to be a dancer.
Being left alone as a child can stop you from speaking your mind in case people leave you or you stay in relationships which aren’t safe.
So how do we get our subconscious out of the drivers seat?
- Become aware of habitual patterns that aren’t congruent to the life you desire. For example, you want to be more open in your relationship. Yet whenever conflict arises you shut down. This is a habitual pattern.
- Choose a different action, for example, say ‘I’m afraid of conflict, however I’m willing to stay in the conversation’. Then be brave, breathe deep and stay open. This will create a new habit. Repeating this new habit, creates new neuro pathways in the brain. After repeating these new and improved habits, they will become your habitual way of dealing with situations that in the past, would have you shutting down.
- Your new patterns need to be aligned with what you desire. So if your goal is to be happy and your habitual pattern in the past is to shut people out, you’ll be aware that this actually doesn’t make you happy, it simply keeps you safe. Choosing a different pattern, like asking people if they want to catch up, going to events you love, being in nature will give you different results.
Awareness + different actions = new results.
At times the subconscious mind will take over and you’ll feel like that little girl who was embarrassed and felt porky or the women who was hurt in past relationships and you’ll want to flee.
Trust that you’ll know when the subconscious mind is in the drivers seat. Take some deep breaths and choose a different response.
The more you’re aware of your habitual patterns, the more power you have to choose a different action.