We draw on many different qualities during our day, some come naturally to us, like the highly driven woman who is focused, assertive, disciplined and capable, or the creative spirit, who finds is easy to be spontaneous, adaptable, tender and trusting.
Sometimes we get so comfy in our natural qualities, that as we move into different areas of our life, we continue to show up this way. These qualities may have been helpful in one area, like work, yet can hinder our experiences and relationships in others.
Let’s take the highly driven woman, who has left work for the day. She arrives home, still embracing the qualities which supported her to get shit done through her day. She’s completed loads of tasks, organised her team and their upcoming projects and sat through a meeting, holding her space, where the ratio of women in the room, was far less than her male counterparts. She’s been on the go all day!
The qualities which have supported her throughout the day, are far from what she needs to now embody with her partner, yet she’s in these environments regularly and these qualities work for her. So as the evening unfolds, she finds herself staying within the confines of being focused, assertive, disciplined and capable. Her partner wants to help with dinner, she pushes him aside and is on a mission. He then tries to hug her; she’s focused on tidying up, she eats her dinner fast and effectively just like she works and when she finally hops into bed, sex is the last thing on her mind and any intimacy is dismissed.
She wants more connection, to be playful and spontaneous, yet the qualities she’s embodying lean towards a different outcome.
Now let’s take the creative spirit, she moves through life with an air of playfulness, shiny, sparkling things catch her attention often. She’s loving and supportive, able to adapt easily and people love the way she can bring ease and flow to stressful situations. She has big beautiful dreams that she would love to achieve, yet she never stays focused long enough to see them come to fruition. She wonders if success is for her and doubts her ability.
She wishes she was more focused and disciplined and could just be committed to fulfilling her wildest dreams, yet her behaviours and the qualities she’s so comfortable in, are sabotaging her success.
Both of these examples, show two different women who have incredible qualities. We can see how they complement their uniqueness and support them throughout their life. Yet other qualities which don’t come as naturally could support them even further.
Imagine the highly driven woman arriving home to her husband, and drawing on qualities like spontaneity, ease, flow or tenderness. She may experience more connection, laughter and intimacy within her relationship from this space.
Or the creative spirit, drawing on qualities like discipline, focus, boundaries and courage which could empower her to commit to a goal and see it to fruition.
We can be unaware that we’re not allowing more of what we want into our lives due to the way we’re being. We can think our partner is being dismissive or we haven’t found the right dream yet, when actually if we tweaked some of our behaviours, we’d get to create more of what we desire.
If you want to own your unique qualities more, Tracy’s article about mindfulness, self-care and daily rituals featured in The House of Wellness magazine and Stuff, is a great place to start!
Think of an area of your life you’d love to improve.
- What qualities do you have that sabotage or hinder this area?
- What qualities could you embrace more, which could improve this area?
- Explore you and your qualities, which ones have you simmered down or outright rejected and why?
- Which ones do you need to simmer down, so you can embrace others?
- Is there a quality you would love to let go of and one you’d like to own more of?